Swings & Roundabouts

A bunch of has-beens trying to give their sorry careers a kick up its backside so they can give it a much needed boost if they were to be rescued from oblivion – this is the state of the inmates (so they seem to me!) that take part in reality shows like ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Here!’ and its evil twin ‘Celebrity Big Brother’. Most times, you never recognise any of the so-called celebs, save for the presenters and ratings generally plummet after the opening night. [Aside: Channel 4 must have paid the people bucketloads of money to stand outside the BB house and scream their guts out - I really cannot imagine any other way by which so many honest folks could be persuaded to stand in the cold in Herefordshire day and night and exhibit their lung capacity.]

This year is no exception – two former so-called singers from two bands best forgotten, an ageing filmmaker no one knows, a cheat beauty who slept with one of the judges to win the Miss Great Britain crown and couple of Americans were all part of the lineup – joining them soon enough was ‘Big Brother’s First Family’ (as host Davina McCall pronounced them!) – former regular show inmate, loudmouth Jade Goody, her mouthy boyfriend and lesbian mum. In order to spice things up, they threw in our Shilpa Shetty in. In the beginning, it was said that she would be urged to flirt with the male inmates and be involved in a romantic situation. When fewer and fewer people turned in, they decided to ditch the softy-softy approach and pull in the ratings by pitting the catty Danielle, intelligently-challenged Jade and looking-for-an-excuse-to-release-a-single Jo O’Mara against la Shetty. Shetty was coming across as this beautiful, composed character and what more could incense a trio of thickos than that?

So they have been goading her, calling her names, Danielle showing her knowledge of geography by commenting something about China and India and ‘I am so dumb I can’t even spell my own name’ Jade carrying on in her trademark style. Their biggest advantage is that to a non-English person, they are virtually ununderstandable – they could be prattling in Yiddish, for all Shilpa knows, so strong is their accent. Maybe that’s why la Shetty has taken to simply bawling her eyes out, waving the white flag at every opportunity and sobbing on Cleo’s shoulders. But she showed everyone that underneath it all, she has some sharp claws when she shut Jade up with a well-aimed ‘Your only claim to fame is this show. What does that say?’

This issue is seriously getting out of hand, with House of Commons entering the picture for some strange reason. Even Gordon Brown, gallivanting about in India, has commented on this ,Third world debt, greenhouse effect, inter-country relations, Iraq etc, aside. The only sane voice in the middle of all the brouhaha seems to be Shilpa’s mum, who’s reported to have said, “I hope that she will be able to handle the situation. It is a game and there is a life beyond that. I understand her emotions but I really hope that she is not going to get too affected by this treatment that is being meted out to her.” Well said, mum!

The only ones to come out of this laughing is Channel 4. From the brink of disaster, by means of some canny tactics, they’ve made their show the talk of the town – sponsors threatening to pull out, Ofcom’s investigation, hue & cry about racism all translates into ratings; ratings that are slowly going through the roof. Welcome to the new era of ‘anything goes’ – where ratings is the only thing that matters and target ratings would be achieved by hook or by crook.

It is an institution in Britain (well, the housemates are more like inmates, anyway!) – every summer, it is customary to eavesdrop on twelve of the most moronic people you can find in the country, cooped up inside a swanky house, who have nothing more interesting to say other than “fuck” and “shite” and other assorted easy enough words. Then, a few years back, Channel 4 decided to make more money out of such a wonderful concept and came up with the Celebrity Big Brother.

Now, Celebrity Big Brother is like the last chance saloon for the so-called celebs before they hit Obscureville. Winners usually end up with a recording contract, millions of pounds and a couple of apes, ivories and peacocks thrown in for good measure.

Why am I prattling utter nonsense about Big Brother, here, in DC world? Well, ‘cos ladies and gentlemen, one of the celebs in this years show is none other than our very own Shilpa Shetty! When she sashayed down the red carpet, clad in a pink and green saree, looking every inch a glam Bollywood star, I almost fell off the sofa! What the hell was she doing here?

In her intro bit, she wondered how she was going to carry on minus her entourage; my question is: girl, have you got any idea what you have let yourself in for? The only thing worse than a BB house is the I’m a Celeb jungle, where ‘having grub’ takes on a new meaning. Every day, for the remaining three weeks, la Shetty would be watched, her actions judged and any gaffs splashed all over the media. Living with a geriatric movie maker, a wannabe punk rock star with Attitude, a disgraced model, a catty newspaper journalist, couple of former pop stars and a startled looking Jackson – no, not Michael, his brother Jermaine.

Now this bloke, Jermaine, he sure looks like he’s going to provide us with hour after hour of fun. Being the first one to enter the house, he had the unique opportunity to size up every one as they came in and you could see, as more and more nervous folks joined him, more and more bewildered he got. Being American, he didn’t have a clue who any of them was but looked so sure that they all knew him and was so surprised when one celeb went ‘And who are you?’ The looks on his and Ken Russell’s faces as Shilpa Shetty sashayed into the room were absolutely priceless!
And the glazed look on her face, as she was sat on a couch, watching all these people was like she was asking herself what the hell she has let herself in for. Well, the only thing she hopes for, apparently, is to keep her self-respect and dignity.

Good luck, girl – you’re gonna need it!

Never had I laughed so much in my entire life – I mean it. From start to finish, the 2.5 hours of balderdash that was Dhoom:2 kept me in stitches and only the fact that I had taken a toss a few minutes previously and banged my shin, prevented me from rolling along the aisles. What a load of utter, absolute nonsense!

I know as a general rule you are to leave your brains at home when you watch a movie but never have been treated to such an insult to my intelligence on such a lavish scale. What was going through Sanjay Gadhvi’s head when he cooked this gem up, I wonder? Something possibly along the lines, get some top Bollywood people, show more than a little flesh, throw some ‘boom, boom’ beats that sound okay when blasted through a cinema music system, shoot in some of the exotic locales of the world and never give a toss to inane things like story, plot structure… sense?

But then again, it looks like I am among the minority, considering the droves of people that were flocking to the theatre to see the movie. Or they could have been mugs like me, who read the reviews and said ‘bah-humbug’ to that and chucked £15 down the tube. And mugs like me were what the movie makers were counting on – never mind the critics who pan it, there are so many Indians around the world that even if half of them decide to check it out to see if it appealed to their better taste than that of the stupid reviewer’s, then they are laughing – all the way to the bloody bank! Which is exactly what is happening, right now, world over!

After sitting through this nonsense, I can conclude that as far as I am concerned, Abishek B comes across as the cool guy. Much has been written about his wardrobe and the fact that his costume designer had decided to take leave of his / her senses but inspite of Hrithik’s uber-cool build-up, outfits and poses, that is exactly what he struck me as – a poser. Pursed lips and flared nostrils will only take you so far and after a while of watching the camera pander to his fit body (the man didn’t need fanfares and trumpets every bloody time he put in an appearance, for chrissake!), I got seriously tired. Especially when that coupled with the ultimate of posers, Aishwarya Rai, I felt real close to throwing up.

Speaking of Ash, what’s with the attitude, woman? Like, did someone tell you, like, it will make you seem, like, uber-cool or something? Like Sunehri should get her brains, like checked? Let me tell you, Ash dear, you might have the bod, the figure to die for but you cannot carry off that attitude. That actually takes some decent acting skills, one, like, you are desperately short of.

And oh, HOW can I forget the other fit bod, Bips? Shonali and her twin, Monali? What is this? A salute to Seeta and Geeta- Why? Why??Why?

I think it was a good thing the movie finished when it did or else two things would have ensued: 1. I would have gone on a killing spree 2. I would have had an aneurysm.

Which is why I am putting this desperate plea to all of you out there: please give yourself a break, save your brain matter and stay at home. Avoid watching this movie – raking in the moolah, thanks to mugs like me who wanted to check it out, is giving Gadhvi the idea that dishing out crap like this works. So please, my desi brethren, let’s say no to crap. Save brain matter.

‘Chinna Chinna Aasai’ sang Minmini almost 15 years back, heralding a new era in Indian music. The world sat up to take notice of this new sound. A brand new star was born.

A R Rahman burst through like a breath of fresh air with Mani Ratnam’s Roja and changed the way Tamil and slowly rest of India’s music sounded. Ilaiyaraja had ruled the South till then as the undisputed king among the composers. There was none to beat him, no one even to come near him. If the ‘maestro’ decided to do the score for your movie, you can rest easy in the knowledge that you are going to have a hit on your hands.

Raja’s sounds were mostly grounded in a rural background – the harmonium famously was at the composer’s fingertips at any given time. That doesn’t mean that his songs were only of the typical folk song variety. His music for Mani Ratnam’s hit ‘Dalapathi’ was phenomenal. He has composed some of Tamil industry’s most famous songs – ‘Ilamai ennum poongatru’, ‘Idhu oru pon maalai pozhudhu’, ‘Raja raja sozhan’, to name a few.

Most of his contemporaries also went along the same route – M S Viswanathan, Deva (who was more like a poor man’s Raja), Gangai Amaran etc. Ilaiyaraja did not really have any real competition – he ruled alone and he ruled long. Till a 25 year old genius burst into the scene.

A slight difference of opinion between Mani Ratnam and his favourite composer urged him to look for a composer elsewhere, latched onto the young Rahman who was busy composing ad jingles and the rest, as they say, is history. His choice of instruments, the arrangements he used, the different tones and tunes he produced – everything was as different from the prevalent music of the day as the proverbial chalk is from cheese. The public lapped it up eagerly and were soon hungry for more.

He followed Roja with some memorable songs from Thiruda Thiruda, Gentleman, Puzhiya Mugam, May Maadam, Karuthamma, Duet,Indira, Bombay, Rangeela and more recently, Taal, Lagaan, Boys Rang De Basanti and Guru. He was the first ever music composer to win the coveted Rajat Kamal Award at the National Film Awards for his debut effort. He has gone on to win this award thrice more, for Minsaara Kanavu, Lagaan and Kannathil Muthamittal – the most by any music director.

The awards he has won, the global recognition he has achieved, the wide range of projects he’s been a part of is too many to list. More than anything, what he has single-handedly done is changed Indian background music forever. Till he came onto the scene, filmi music was primarily used to give the audience a break from the onscreen action. With his advent, that changed completely – a movie’s soundtrack became as important as the movie itself. Cassette sales soared and became an indication of how the movie would fare at the box-office.

Above all, Rahman introduced the Indian audience to a brand new, urban sound. Till then, most of our music was of the folksy, villagey type and the disco numbers all sounded a bit samey. Rahman blew that whole scene out of the water and brought in new sounds – techno, electric, big orchestra arrangements that sounded like nothing like what we had heard before.

With Alaipayudhey, he introduced the audience to the new, sexed-up version of the normally staid Hindu wedding mantras. When he sang ‘Mangalyam’, blended it with those awesome beats and merged it so beautifully with the theme song Enrendrum punnagai – the effect was a thing of sheer beauty. For the first time ever, it it became cool to sing mantras!

But sounding quintessentially urban didn’t mean that the man couldn’t do villagey music. He sure could and did, in his own inimitable style and the resultant sound is normally something we’ve never heard before. I am, of course, talking of Then merkku paruva-k-kaatru from Karuthamma here. Even Kummi Adi is a typical village number, Rahmanified as it is!

I shall not be remiss in not mentioning his foray into Punjabi bhangra. Though he has said a lot of times that he felt comfortable with Tamil music, as he did not understand Hindi, he has composed some absolute gems for films like Rangeela, Taal, Bombay, Dil Se and more recently Rang de Basanti. The title song of RDB, sung by Daler Mehendi sounded absolutely fresh and completely different from the usual bhagra songs one often hears. Of course I do not listen to bhangra music much but to me, they always sounded the same – till ARR and the Ting ling ling ling.

Meanwhile, Rahman’s assistants branched off on their own and took the new Rahmanish sounds with them whilst some of the new ones on the horizon were inspired by it and started emulating the same. Harris Jayaraj (Minnale, Kaakha Kaakha, Vettaiyadu Vilaiyadu), Praveen, Vidyasagar, Bharadwaj, Devi Sri Prasad were all part of this new brigade. Though all of them have gone on to make some great music scores, there is none to touch ARR, none to match his attention to detail.

The consummate professional that he is, he clearly differentiates between what is played on screen and what you slip into your CD player, unlike the other music directors, whose screen music is no different from the on they release on CD or tape. This makes his music sound that much crisper when you listen to the audio whilst the video has a special extra bit going for it. A classic example of this is his recent Kummi Adi from Sillunu Oru Kaadal – while the CD version starts with a big bang, in the movie there is a slow, folksy interlude before the actual song.

Rahman also has a special music interlude for any crunch / special situations in the plot. Oftentimes, this would be the chorus part of the main romantic song of the movie. In the aforementioned movie, the main part of the song Munbe Vaa was the background vocal for the Gautham – Aishu wedding scene, the same song that they sing during happier times.

These might seem insignificant but attention to little details like this is what sets ARR apart. Devi Sri Prasad, in his latest hit Bommarillu would have done better to have picked up these tips from the master and utilised them in his song Laloo Darvaja. Whilst having Jayasudha sing the Krishna bhajan-type number makes sense in the movie and adds to the plot, it slows down the tempo of the song in the CD and breaks up the whole rhythm.

ARR is also the king when it comes to the quality of his music mixes. His music has a slick feel to it that, despite his detractors’ pronouncement that his tunes would never stand the test of time, have nonetheless stayed the same through the years. His old hits still sound just as melodious as they did the day they came out. Though Rahman’s music take a bit of getting used to, they do grow on you after repeated listens and become impossible to move away from.

The man is not without his particular quirks – one of the most famous ones being his penchant to record at night. He is famous for doing the best part of his recording with the moon; his singers are all well used to getting on the car in the dead of the night and finishing up at the brea
k
of dawn. Recently, though, he announced he was going to try to change that habit and carry on his recording work at daytime.
Another of his famous peculiarities is his wish to keep things natural – he is rather taken up by the ‘rawness’ of a voice. To that extent, he used to make singers out of people with no formal music training whatsoever, depending more on their raw tone of their voice to carry the tune through.

ARR has come a long way from his young Dileep days, when he was struggling to make ends meet. Today, he is one of the most famous music composers in the world. He has taken his music far and beyond the country’s shores – collaborating with Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber for Bombay Dreams, working on the Chinese film Warriors of Heaven and Earth and even composing the score for Lord of the Rings stage production. He has done all this and more; but to me, he will always remain the man who changed Indian music completely, forever.

His music is everything – slick, beautiful, sublime and timeless. Long may it resonate around the world.

Oh how the mighty have fallen! A R Murugadoss, who gave us the fantastic Ghajini last year, is back this year with a bucket of old tripe called Stalin. I, for one, am convinced that the only reason good folks around the globe are putting down their hard-earned money is because it has the ‘mega star’ Chiranjeevi in it. From Chiru’s point of view, he delivers a decent message, possibly laying the groundwork for his political career but the movie is just one big washout.

The story is nothing new – the hero is this champion do-gooder, an Indian Army Major, who has been discharged due to some mysterious reasons. His hankering to spread goodwill amongst his fellowmen comes to fruition with his pyramid-scheme plan of helping three strangers, who help three others and there on, it spreads (members of GoldQuest take note) to include the general population. He thus helps a mum get an infant back, who in turn, helps somebody else and the chain carries on, and on, till the climax when one of the benefactors of said scheme ends up helping Chiru make an escape from the villain’s henchmen. But the way it has been portrayed, the plan progresses rather one-dimensionally, instead of the envisaged pyramid format.

In the course of the day, he comes across a semi-thug, whose FIL is the real thug (Prakash Raj in one of his most pathetic roles) who want to thrash the life out of him. Helpfully enters Trisha into his life, to provide the necessary leverage for the villain’s goondas to collar her and start yet another fight with the hero.

The movie continues along the same vein, a few song and dance routines in far-flung exotic locales interspersed with action sequences, which finally end in a climax sequence, where the hero is fighting for his life in hospital, after fighting off Prakash Raj’s goons as well as the assorted junta who had gathered around to watch the shooting but who were roped in when the supply of baddies ran out, with the doctors trying to patch him up. The docs cave in half-way as an old Army injury (the real reason why the man got the boot – that it was a medical one and as such, might be of slight importance to him totally escapes everyone’s notice) threatens to get worse but the hero’s brother shouts at and pleads with the medico in turns, who then does an about turn and starts where he left off and hey presto! the man wakes up to thank the auto fella who drove the vehicle that helped him escape the baddies who were chasing him down the highway who, just happened to be one who benefited from the ‘help 3 people pyramid scheme’ hatched by said hero, who is thrilled to bits to hear the success of his plan. Phew! Of course, by now, most of Andhra Pradesh is camped outside the hospital, praying for the hero’s recovery.

**Yawn**

How many more times will we be served this same old, left over tripe, glossed over with just enough glaze to pass off as a new movie? I have had it. This movie has so many holes in it that it can put any slice of Swiss cheese to shame. Granted, helping others is a good concept and post-Munnabhai, a lot of movies seem to be going this route but why the rest of the palaver to deliver this simple message?

There is none of the professionalism the director exhibited in his previous venture. The movie comes across as a B-grade imitation affair which is real sad, really. Take, for example, the scene where the hero puts his ‘help three strangers’ plan into action. The first person he helps is a mum, who has left her baby in her car (helpfully leaving the keys on the door) while she goes to the pharmacy. The hero and his sis happen to walk past the car, even as the baby starts to wail, open the car (!), take the baby out and take it around the shops, asking if the shopkeepers had seen the baby’s mother (!!). By now, the mum has got back to the car, which unfortunately has been towed by the traffic police (!!!). In a state, she gets to the impound lot and gets to the car instantly (!!!!) but of course, there isn’t a baby inside the car. She starts hitting the police asking everyone where’s her baby. No one helpfully points out to her then or ever, what an idiot she was to leave her baby all alone in the car, along with the keys, whilst she went shopping.

The hero has of course, rescued the infant and has left his details with the R.T.O office, who trace the car and give him the owner’s details. Hero takes baby to its home and rejoins its with its mum, first imploring with the happy dad to help three strangers. This whole parody had me in stitches, I tell you. Where in our country do we get such a wonderous group of people, pray tell me, that turn out such examples of instant service? And who are we talking about here – the traffic police, the impound lot, the blessed RTO office, for chrissake! In which opiate dream did they become so?

There are loads more rib-tickling moments of similar nature, the fight sequences, for instance. The stunt-director seems to have been inspired by Hot Shots: Part Deux – thugs literally fling themselves at Chiru from all directions who simply spins about and poof! they fall down like dominoes! This is the way every single fight is choreographed baddie runs headlong into hero, only to go flying out and ends up on his face; baddie 2 follows suit next second and so on the routine continues till the supply of baddies is exhausted.

Trisha seems to be there in the film purely for decorative purposes. But if she gets to take home a cool Rs 25 lakhs (rumoured to be much more) for wearing skimpy outfits and shaking a leg in exotic beaches, then hey, I’m sure she’d sign on the dotted line a few more times. Though I am sure she can swim passably, she has to work on the rest of it. Being shown as a champion swimmer is one thing, but jumping into water to start off a race with all the finesse of a sack of potatoes is another. Oh and the fact that she looks and is, young enough to be Chiru’s daughter shall not be mentioned, ever!

Khushboo fits the part of big sis comfortably and does justice to her role, as does Sharadha, who plays their mum. Sunil in a light-hearted role with some serious overtones comes up trumps. The rest of the cast is there just to add strength to the numbers. The cameraman’s awe of the mega star is visible in every frame as the camera simply dances away merrily, giving everyone watching sore eyes. The soundtrack is instantly forgettable; none of the songs even registered in my mind even while I was watching the film.

Strictly for die-hard Chiru fans ONLY. Rest of you can stay at home, relax with your favourite HotShots DVD.

Every year, in November, this spotted, yellow teddy bear with a patch over one eye makes an appearance in the UK. He goes by the name of Pudsey and is the mascot of the hugely popular fundraising event known as Children In Need. As its slogan goes, every penny raised will go to the needy children of UK.

Members of the public take up the actual fundraising. High Streets might be littered with people with the collecting pails. Teens wearing wacky outfits and standing in the cold with a bucket in hand are a sight that will be seen all over the country on that day. If your town is really lucky, Pudsey might even put in an appearance!

The actual scale of this has to be seen to be believed. I am not talking about a few kids here and there trying to collect a few pennies. Huge organisations donate large sums of money. There are events held locally, proceeds of which go towards Children in Need. Most offices have a ‘come dressed in your regular clothes’ day, whereby employees pay £1 for the privilege.

Schools tend to take it a step further, try and make a fun event of it, so it is enjoyable for the children as well. Little P’s school wanted me to send in a teddy bear or a stuffed toy with him to school today. Which is why, the good folks of Brentwood saw me lugging a life-size teddy bear up the cardiac hill that is Queen Street. I tried telling him that taking the teeniest bear will give him an edge over the other kids when he takes part in the ‘My teddy bear and me’ race. Would he listen? Nah!

He could also go to school, dressed in his jeans and tee, paying a pound first, of course. The Ursuline down the road had given the choice to the girls – they could just dress up in pink and have a fun time, letting their imagination run wild. As I was huffing and puffing my way past, I was swiftly overtaken by this huge pink bunny and a spangly outfitted fairy. Looking at her skimpy outfit made me break out in goose pimples!

The grand finale to the day’s fundraising drive is the live show that takes place at the BBC studios in London and in other big cities like Cardiff, Manchester, Liverpool, Edinburgh and Belfast. Pop acts, cast of local mega serials and other assorted celebs shake a leg or belt out a song, all in the name of charity. The lineup is usually impressive – popular girl band Girls Aloud opened the night’s proceedings in London followed by McFly, Ronan Keating, former Spice Girl Emma Bunton who pirouetted on stage, along with her other Strictly Come Dancing mates, putting their newly learnt dancing skills on display.

Cast members of Coronation Street, Holby City and Hollyoacks also donned the greasepaint and tights to perform live on stage as well as the cast of West End production, Sound of Music.
Terry Wogan was at the helm this year too, ably aided by Natasha Kaplinski and Fearne Cotton. Together they urged the viewing public to dig deep and donate. Throughout the show, hundreds of people were in the studio, manning the special Children In Need telephone lines and those willing to part with their cash could ring the line and pledge the money. The amount of money they manage to raise every year is staggering. Last year, it was around £18 million pounds.

What makes the people of Britian part with so much money year after year and take part in this event so enthusiastically? I have thought long and hard about it and all I can say is, the tag line ‘every penny goes to a needy child in the UK’ is the key. After the Oxfams and other assorted charity outfits that collect money for far-flung places, a homegrown one, for their own suffereing children, strikes a powerful chord in the people’’ hearts, making them give and give, year after year after year. And give they did, to the tune of £18,300,392 on the fundraising night last Friday.

Well, charity sure began – and ended – at home!

Mani Ratnam’s winter release GURU, with Abishek Bachchan at the helm, is this year’s most awaited film. The last Mani Ratnam movie to come out was Ayutha Ezhuthu two years back. He made India sit up and take notice of the junior Bachchan as an artist of note. Now he is back with a straight Hindi film, which is widely reported to be based on the life of the late Dhirubhai Ambani.

Mani Ratnam and A R Rahman have always been a winning combo, since their Roja days. Together, they have created absolute magic and it is no wonder that expectations are sky-high with the upcoming release. Mani Ratnam has pulled off a casting coup of sorts, with Aishwarya Rai, Madhavan, Vidya Balan and Mithun Chakraborthy sharing stage with Abhishek. Though the cast is of no importance whatsoever when the director is Mani, the media’s interest has been more than piqued, imagining these artists together, in one movie.

The audio for GURU was released in Mumbai earlier amidst much fanfare. There are seven songs on the album and one can see more than the odd interesting name amongst the singers. For instance, Bappi Lahiri is singing a Rahman song for the first time ever. The song, Ek Lo Ek Muft is quite unlike anything Bappi has sung till now. It is a typical Rahman number, which in turns means that Bappi is trying to do something completely different to what he has done before. For that reason, I wonder how much acceptance this song would get amongst the singer’s fans.

Ey Hairathe first grabbed my heart when I downloaded the ringtune from the movie’s website. It had an odd melancholy to it that reminded me of Bombay. Hariharan’s voice, as he sings the ghazal-like verses is mesmerising.

The song, Tere Bina is already proving to be a rage among the fans – every website carrying the music review has raved about this number. After listening to it a couple of times, I can understand why. It is ARR at his best and for me, one of the best songs of the year. Chinmayee’s voice blends really well with Rahman’s and the result is a melodious, classical number that will keep resonating in your ears long after the CD has finished playing.

Barso Re, sung by Shreya Ghoshal, is a rain song. I haven’t heard a good rain song in years and now this one has come to end the drought. Like a typical rain song, this is full of pep and energy. Like Tanvi in Sillunu Oru Kaadal, ARR has made the singer change her voice modulation to suit the mood of the song and I have to say, this time, it was worked perfectly. For Shreya herself, this song is sure to bring numerous accolades.

Jaage Hain, with Chitra getting together with Rahman, is another decent track. Most of the numbers on this album are of the slow variety and this one is no exception. But it is great, nonetheless, with the Madras Chorale Group joining the two main singers to do the backing vocals. The mood of the song is that of a big stage, orchestra production and the singers do full justice to it. The vocals are amazing and Chitra sounds absolutely fantastic. A class number, this one.

To me, the best song in the collection is Mayya Mayya. Sung by Canadian singer Mayyam Toller and Chinmayee, this is a sultry number, with the singers’ voice blending together beautifully. The song is sure to raise the pressure of any red blooded-male (or female, why be sexist?!) up a couple of notches. Another number with Middle East overtones, this one is a sure winner. This song is the one that is rumoured to have been picturised on Mallika Sherawat.

Baazi Laga, by Udit Narayan, Bhargavee, Madhushree and Swetha is one number I did not like. It does not sound like a Rahman composition to me, and the whole arrangement did not jive. Gambling songs are popular in the Indian movie scenario, one of my most memorable ones being Aadi paaru mangaathaa from the movie May Maadham. I cannot be the only one who feels disappointed with this one.

The album, on the whole, has mixed offerings – some might strike a chord in your heart instantly while some you might dislike so much you want to skip to the next track. But in my opinion, this is pure ARR – most of his songs take a bit of getting used to before they grow on you. Give it a couple of listens and then judge the songs – you just might love them!

Popstars on an adopting spree, veiled Teaching Assistant and the Macca v Mucca battle – Britain was never such a fun place to be in that the last week. It was like being in the thick of not one but a myriad of newsstorms and we didn’t know which way to turn! Whilst the celebs seemed to be hell-bent on making sure our attention was concentrated on them, the Muslim TA added more drama to our lives by making her views known far and wide. All I had to do was rub my hands in glee and sit back – this was pure entertainment!

Fairly on top of the ratings chart is the Battle of the McCartneys – when I read in the summer that the former Beatle was hoping for a quick and dignified divorce, I thought that was wishful thinking, even for him. Now, the shit has well and truly hit the fan and it doesn’t look like it is going to be cleaned anytime soon. How eight pages of highly confidential divorce papers, detailing Macca’s wife beating and other assorted antics (on one memorable occasion, apparently, he narrowly missed wearing the ketchup) mysteriously ended in the In tray of AP’s offices is the million pound question. The dailies hazarded a guess whereby Heather, the “woman scorned”, herself faxed the data to AP to get back at McCartney.

Macca is a British icon and one of my colleague’s reaction on reading the headline that proclaimed Macca to be a wife beater was succint: “Rubbish! That woman is off her rocker!” Even if the allegations were true, it will take more than Heather Mills’s words to pull the former Beatle from his pedestal. More likely, the mud will stick on her and once again, her past as a former glamour model and ‘escort’, who became famous championing anti-landmines causes after she lost her leg in a motorcycle accident, will come under scrutiny.

Middle of the week saw the furore kicked up by the Case of the Veiled Teacher as she accused her employers, a Church of England school no less, of discrimination as they refused to let her wear the veil in class. Aishah Azmi took on Kirklees Council when she was asked to remove her veil at school, sparking a nation-wide religious debate – yet again. To veil or not to veil became the question. Islamic women’s rights were being downtrodden, claimed some supporters while Jack Straw’s comments of the women wearing the veil separating themselves from society was aired once again and thrashed about the place.

Icing on this particular cake was, when Ms. Azmi was awarded £1100 as a compensation for her “hurt feelings”. Well, I like that!

Even before I stopped spluttering over the previous news tidbit came the Madonna and Son row. Deciding to give her flagging pop career a boost, the Material Girl took a leaf out of Angelina Jolie’s footsteps and visited the Dark Continent to get herself a new child.

One-year-old David Banda, who lost his mum soon after his birth was the Chosen One and after ‘careful vetting’, Mr and Mrs Ritchie were given permission by the impoverished nation of Malawi to adopt one of its children. But the meticulously planned operation hit two snags: 1. public outcry over what they considered flouting of Malawi’s adoption rule that the parents should be residents of the country for 18 months 2. David Banda’s father backpedalling and crying foul just days of hitting at the media to leave Madonna alone. Now, Madonna is reported to be bewildered at the lashing she’s receiving from the media for her latest action. She’s even going to go on Oprah next week to put forward her point.

Well, after the action of the past week, this week’s fare seems quite dull – Prince Charles’ tax probe, R. Amazon’s direction changing feat, David Cameron’s efforts to show himself as being ‘hip’ and ‘with it’, nothing has a zing to it. Come on, Posh & Becks – do something! Spice up our lives!

Gautham Menon is one of the hottest directors in Tamil cinema today. His first movie in Tamil was the Madhavan-Abbas-Reema Sen starrer, Minnale. He became famous when his ‘Kaaka Kaaka’, starring Surya and Jyothika became a super-duper hit. He recently made Vettaiyadu Vilaiyadu, with Kamal Haasan and Jyothika. Shooting for his fourth project, Pachaikili Muthu Charam, with Sarath Kumar and Jyothika is going on at full steam as the movie is set for a Christmas Day release. It is at this time that I got a chance to chat with one of his assistants for the movie, Meghana Karthik.

Q: How did you end up where you are, as an assistant director?

Meghana: Well, this is something I’ve always wanted to do – films, I mean and I’ve always had this love for Tamil cinema. So I put down options which were films, ad films and photography. And right now I seem to be doing two of them – films and photography.

Q: How did you meet Gautham Menon?

Meghana: I have a friend who is a music director and one day I asked him if he could speak to Gautham for me. He did, it worked and here I am!

Q: What exactly does being an assistant director entail?

Meghana: Being an Assistant director involves diff kinds of work. It could be anything from taking out scene print outs, to scheduling the shoot as per location, telephoning the production dept on which dates which artist is required to calling for the props and informing what costumes are required for the next day. When I started, I didn’t really get involved with the script, so I’ve been in charge of taking care of the continuity.

Q: Never a dull moment then! How do u take care of continuity? Do you take pictures to help you – like photograph the set, and the people at a certain time so you can come back to it later and make sure it is the same way?

Meghana: Yes. We have a photographer who is full time on sets. He takes all the photos and we ask him for specific continuity snaps, for example, a close up of this particular shot for the “scar continuity”. Apart from that I have to maintain what’s called an editing report, in which I write down who’s wearing what costume in which scene.

Q: Sounds pretty intense – and involved!

Meghana: It is. The most important thing is that your eyes and ears should always be open. Meaning, you should be highly observant and equipped with whatever is required as you wont know when the director will ask you for what.

Q: Siddharth, when speaking about his days as an assistant to Mani Ratnam, once said that when you are an assistant director, you are at the beck and call of everyone – is that true?

Meghana: Yes, you can say that. From scheduling the shoot, to coming early to the spot and getting the costumes ready for the day, to making sure the artists are ready and to call them before the shoot – all of these are part of an assistant director’s job profile!

Q: Definitely not a 9-5 job then!

Meghana: No way! After shoot is over, we go to the office and take print outs and organize things for the next day. Since it involves a lot of background work, our unit has around 6 assistants. We split the work equally and some days I get loads of work and some days less – it all depends on the workload of the day. But we all get along fine and have our roles sorted between us, to make the whole thing work like clockwork.

Q: So tell me something about this movie you are working on.
Meghana: The movie is called Pachaikilli Muthu Charam and has Sarath Kumar and Jyothika in the lead. Top model Milind Soman does a role that has negative shades to it . The film also has Andrea. It’s a family based story, which has an interesting twist in it (smiles) – so watch out for that one!

Q: I thought Jyothika has quit movies post her wedding to Surya?

Meghana: Yes, that’s true. The shooting for her part was completed a while ago

Q: And Andrea, is that the singer?

Meghana: Yep! Andrea the singer, model, theatre personality and now, actress!

Q: Tell me something about your background – school, college?

Meghana: Like I told you, I have always been interested in movies. With a view to getting into that as a career, I chose Visual Communications at Bachelor’s level. Then, I did my Masters in Television and Video Production at Xaviers Institute of Communication, Mumbai. Once I completed that, I came back to Chennai to pursue my dream of getting into films. And as luck would have it, about three weeks after I came back, I got a job with Gautham sir!

Q: What did your parents feel about your career choice – working in the big bad world of movies?

Meghana: I basically come from a media background, so it was not very difficult to convince them. My dad’s a photographer and he produced ad films in the late 80′s and early 90′s, so its nothing new to my family. The most important thing is that I had always said I wanted to do either films or photography. So it was just easy when I got into Visual Communication, did well and right after that I went to Mumbai for my masters and soon after that, landed here!

Q: You said you have always liked Tamil movies – do you have a favourite?

Meghana: Oh, now that’s a difficult one! There are so many, I really can’t choose one. I really like movies by KB, Mani Ratnam, Kamal Hassan and of course, Gautham sir! I don’t think I have an absolute favourite one as such. I watch so many movies that it is impossible to name a few, much less one!

Q: That is important, isn’t it – to watch different types of movies, made by different directors, so you can learn from them all?

Meghana: Absolutely!

Q: Do you have a favourite actor?

Meghana: No!

Q: So who would be your ideal hero to cast as lead in your own movie?

Meghana: Depends on my script and I haven’t thought of one so far. I would love to work with Surya, Dhanush, Madhavan, Siddharth and Rahul Bose.

Q: Not every assistant director ends up as a successful director – what do you think would you have to do to make sure you don’t become part of the statistic?

Meghana: Well, cinema in general has this belief that people who make it big in “commercial films” are successful directors. In fact, there are so many other directors who make good art films and are brilliant at what they do. But they still do not get the recognition a commercial director gets, simply because the reach is not enough. It is true that people follow the commercial films. I feel that somewhere down the line they get lost because they might cast a small hero. The heroine would be dressed in skimpy outfits and won’t know how to act and the story would be a clichéd love story – girl meets boy, they fall in love but separate and…

Q: Now you have just described most of our movies! Fair girl, skimpy clothes, running around trees – add anorexic to it and you have some of our so called ‘numero uno’ heroines!

Meghana: (smiles) Well! To answer your question, I want to make films, yes – good ones. Don’t know if it is going to be a commercial one or an art film. Whether I am being recognized as a big director or not, I want to make films which inspire me.

Q: Good answer! Okay this is one of my pet peeves – going abroad for a song and shooting it in exotic locales – why can’t the same song be shot just as brilliantly in our own country? We have got great beaches, backwaters, mountains, lakes, waterfalls why do the moviemakers still prefer foreign to local?

Meghana: Hmm. One could be publicity – “oh this Surya-Jyothika song is shot in New York and its awesome”. But if you cast your mind back a bit, you might remember the old days when they used to erect these ugly sets spending quite a few lakhs and shoot a song that wasn’t too visually appealing. I reckon at some point in time they figured out going abroad with a smaller crew for a week and shooting a song worked out cheaper.

Q: Is that the only choice – shoot a song in Majorca or set a plug-ugly set in Chennai and make a mess of it? Why can’t we go to, say, Kuttralam and shoot a song?

Meghana: If it were me, I would try my best to shoot within India. Unless, of course, my script “demands” a foreign location! But, I agree with you – there are beautiful places in India and there is no reason why we cannot shoot here!

Q: I have to say, you are very diplomatic!

Meghana: No just being honest about the way feel about certain things!

Q: Ok, last question – what, in your opinion, is a film maker’s job / duty?

Meghana: Well, that’s easy! A filmmaker should make people feel they’re part of the action when they’re watching the film. Let the audience live vicariously for a bit!

Q: Well said! Anyway, thank you for taking time out to talking to me. I shall look forward to seeing Pachaikili Muthu Charam – as well as your own one in the future!

Meghana: Thank you!

***SPOILER WARNING*** This post contains details of the plot so please be warned ***

Long before the movie was released and the hype and the hoopla started, I was quite keen to watch it. Any movie that had a sublime song like ‘New York Nagaram’ must not be missed, I told myself. Well, you live and learn, don’t ya?

What put me off about ‘Sillunu Oru Kaadal’, let me count the ways.

1. The title – if there ever was a misnomer, this was it. There was nothing ‘sill’ about this movie. It was not at all the jolly, happy-go-lucky you would expect, at least from its title. ‘Damp squib’ would have been a better fit.

2. Characterisation of Bhoomika – What did that poor girl do to you, Director Krishna? She was practically non-existent in the movie. Why did you make her into that wallpaper? The only time she came alive was in the vamp attire and attitude and then, boy, she smoked! Jo paled in comparison.

3. Dialogue – the way Aishu declares her love for Gautham will remain forever, on the top of the ‘how not to declare your love to your sweetheart’ list. I mean, ick! ‘Nee mattum pakka vendiya odambe ellaraiyum pakka vechittiye?’ Give me a break! I am too pissed to even translate that!

4. Aishu’s dad – this man is portrayed as the villain in the life of Aishu and Gautham, the high powerful man, splitting his daughter and her newly married husband seconds after they tie the knot. He not only beats his son-in-law senseless, he manages to transplant his daughter to another corner of the world. When did that man become the snivelling, bumbling fool he was shown as in the second half? Did his daughter’s anger melt him into such a puddle? Why didn’t she turn this anger on him so he didn’t split her and Gautham up, in the first place?

5. Picturisation of songs – if this is the best we can do with ARR’s songs, then it is no wonder the man is not too keen on making music for Tamil movies any more. What is the big idea in shooting a song entitled ‘New York Nagaram’, in Lucerne, pray tell me?

6. Narrative – at no point did the story settle into a smooth narrative. It sort of lurched along in fits and starts.

7. The title song – Tanvi singing the song in that dreadful affected tone put me off big-time. Unless you do not know Tamil, it is bound to get on your nerves – it grated mine.

8. The diaryWhy is Gautham’s diary written like a third-person narrative? Wouldn’t you write the diary for yourself and not for some audience?

9. The validity of Gautham’s marriage to Kundavi, in light of his outing with Aishu.

The story, such as it is, is this: Kundavi (Jo’s character) is a typical village belle, who’s got this big dream of falling in love with a tall, dark, handsome man and marrying him. Of course, things do not go that way and she ends up marrying Gautham (Surya),as ordained by her family. She thinks this is the end of her life. But when we meet them five years later, life is not over for Kundavi but has just taken a lovely turn. She has blossomed into this bindaas Mumbai girl, with a cool job in advertising, a lovely 5 year old daughter Aishu (how trite can you get?) and mechanic hubby Gautham who loves her to bits. ‘I am the happiest man in the Vorld’ shouts he from the rooftops. That seems to be the cue for the twist in the tale.

One day, whilst rooting in the loft for something for her child’s school project, Kundavi comes across Gautham’s diary and she learns about his rowdy past and his girlfriend, Aishu (there was no reaction to that – disappointing!) and his *gasp* marriage to her, which is rudely interrupted moments after the knot is tied by the arrival of her political big-wig dad who hauls her home while his goons beat Gautham to a bloody pulp. When he vows to go after Aishu, his guardian-uncle takes a toss from the stairs (ho hum) and makes Gautham swear that he would marry Kundavi, moments before giving up his own ghost. But what sticks in Kundavi’s mind is Gautham’s statement that he never even got to live a day with his beloved Aishu.

Of course, the bottom falls out of Kundavi’s world and because she loves her husband to bits, she decides to make things alright by hunting down Aishu and giving her and Gautham a day so they can get it out of their system.

Ye Gods!

Whilst the concept might have started off as something original, the treatment of it leaves much to be desired. The movie fails on many levels. While cashing in on the Jo-Surya romance and timing the release so it was just before their wedding is good marketing, not delivering the package is a big let-down. The only reason the movie is limping along is due to the fascination of their fans with their real-life romance and they just want to catch a bit of it.

Big, fat, disappointment. Best avoid this if you are not die-hard Surya-Jo fans.